I was approached by a girl on Instagram who posted a photo of a guy with a girl snuggled up over his shoulder who asked what his photo is all about. Â I’m not going to share the photo because I don’t know who this guy is, but I thought I’d address the issue of guys who post profile pictures on dating sites of themselves with other women.
Some guys are totally innocent and this is their friend or relative. Â If you look at the body language between to two you can see distance between them and just a friendship overtone. Â Usually, you can go through the profile to see if he mentions who the person in the picture is this. Â Then, you can usually be rest assured. Â Most men who aren’t purposely trying to ruin things before they start will be upfront about these kinds of pictures. Â But, if you’re unwilling to actually read the profile before going for it, then there are greater concerns with this situation than his picture.
However, this particular photo did not portray a ‘friendship’ and definitely was too close to be a relative. Â So that leads me to our second option.
I would assume Tinder is not a bad place for swingers, or people who are looking for a threesome? Â I’m not on Tinder (marriage & all), but my ‘Tinder Reporter’ (aka Heather) told me there is no way to sort out to find people based on what they’re looking for. Â Swingers & threesome-seeking people, again, are legitimate as long as they’re upfront with it and you’re into that kind of thing. Â Me, no, not at all. I’ve already shared my significant other’s (unknowingly) enough in the past, as you know if you’ve read my book.Â Â
So, if this particular guy is not a swinger, looking for a threesome, or just taking an innocent picture with family or a friend, then that gets me to the last and frequently used category of men who do this.
I can’t help to think that movies like “”Can’t Buy Me Love”” from the 80’s created this mistaken approach in dating. Â This movie put it in the heads of men all over the world that you just have to date one good looking girl and flaunt it, then all the rest of the good looking girls will flock to you like ducks to an old lady at the park with bread. Â There are a lot of guys… sorry, boys… who purposefully do things to make their partner jealous because they want you to ‘fight for them’ in their delusional understanding of what love is. Â I had multiple, Yes multiple, exes say “”aren’t you going to fight for me?”” Â Do I look like Mike Tyson? Â I’ll fight for my beliefs, I’ll fight for what is right, but I definitely would never fight for a guy who purposely includes a third party, destroying any sense of trust into my current or prospective relationship. Â Men like this don’t comprehend that they are loved unless you’re willing to compete for them. Â They fall into the category that I talk about frequently in my book where a guy believes if a girl isn’t dramatic, than she doesn’t care. Â It’s sick and never worth anyone’s time.
So, when clicking, keep in mind the different people I mentioned here. Â Make your own guess about each person you come across ‘Liking’ the ones you see potential in and, take it from me, ‘Just Swipe Left’ on the ones with potential chaos.