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Dating the Wrong Men

What do you do when an old friend and/or flame comes back into your life after years of not talking?

Well that is definitely a chapter in my book called the ‘The Revolving Door Ex’! In my 20+ years of Dating the Wrong Men, I had many of these repeat offenders and with each one, you have to take it on a case by case basis.

When an ex resurfaces, determine exactly where you would like this relationship to go and be ready to stick to your guns.

Ask yourself these things:

  • How you have been doing since the breakup?
  • Is your life better?
  • Have you found that you are able to do things that your prior partner held you back from when you were together?
  • When you were together, were you truly happy and embraced for being yourself?

Take a second to review your life with your ex and your life now. If you notice that your life has been a lot more positive since the breakup, then you are clearly moving in the right direction by not having the ex around.

Once you have thought about what you want from this situation, there are three options:

  1. Don’t have anything to do with them
  2. Have a cordial friendship with them, knowing they aren’t the ‘Right’ match and remain looking for your perfect partner.
  3. Get back together

Don’t have anything to do with them:

To start, if you have completely moved on with someone else, your ex and you had an unhealthy relationship, or you have no positive feelings for an ex, there is really no reason to go back down the road of even meeting up with them. Especially if it has been years since talking, you don’t owe this person anything and there isn’t much positive about revisiting a heartache long gone.

If they are so determined to talk to you despite your disinterest, have them write you a note so you can decide if it’s worth your time reading.

A cordial friendship with your ex:

Sometimes time apart is exactly what a relationship needs, but time apart can also make it clear that this is not the right person for you. In this situation, it’s fine to talk with your ex and have a respectful relationship, but that doesn’t mean that this person needs to be involved in your day to day life. It’s important to state clearly that dating them is not going to be an option. If you notice that one or both parties might not be able to have any other kind of relationship other than a romantic one than keeping distance might be the best solution in order for you both to move on.

No matter what, it’s important to make sure that you don’t put your ex before a potential partner through this friendship.

Getting back together

If your life with your ex was phenomenal and they are coming back to apologize, make it up to you, and make a commitment, this could be a great solution. I have seen many times in my life that a break was what made a ‘Wrong’ person get their act together. However, keep in mind the things that broke the relationship the first time and make sure the two of you as a couple discuss how you will work together to get through, first the pain of the prior break, then the building of a healthy relationship.

January 7, 2015

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