This is a question from @WrapgirlR on Twitter.
When it comes to the ‘rules’ of dating, I’m more than over them. Never, in my 20+ years of dating the wrong men, did following any timeframe for any aspect of dating suggested in a magazine, book or friend benefit any of my failed relationships. All these ‘guidelines’ that have been created through the years, by God only knows who, only just added more ingenuity to my relationships and kept me feeling stressed out trying to remember the ‘right’ thing to do. So, when it comes to talking about your needs in a relationship, and yes monogamy is a legitimate need, the time to do it is when you feel the issue needs to be addressed.
Â When I met my husband, I knew exactly what I was looking for in a relationship. The beauty was that he was in the exact same spot. Within a week of meeting, we talked about all of the important needs in relationships including faith, monogamy, kids, etc. We naturally felt like best friends and were comfortable enough to talk about anything. We were also attracted like magnets and I knew from experience that once things got physical, sharing him wasn’t an option for me. We both took a chance and really did throw it all out on the table, and amazingly everything matched up. I’ve never regretted the ‘fast track’ that we took because anyone who has read my book should know by the time I met him, I had no interest in wasting time on the wrong person anymore.
Â I understand that having these talks is difficult, but I think the only thing that keeps us from having them is fear that the receiving party might not be able to fulfill our needs and they might slip into the ‘Wrong Men’ category destroying the hope that you found your match. But, the talk about monogamy is inevitable. And really, do you want to waste any more time on something that doesn’t fit your needs? In the end of the day, this is you sticking up for what you need in your life, and taking a chance on the hope that another person fits what you are looking for. And no time is better than now for taking care of yourself. Don’t have a fear that this talk will ‘ruin’ anything because what is ruining your current situation is the possibility that this person might not care to fulfil your needs or straight up may not be monogamous material! If this this is the case, you have found another ‘Wrong Man’ for yourself.