@MickeyFinn_82 on Twitter asked me “Could I ask you for a sanity check of my ‘friend zone’ article?”
His full article is located here, but I pulled the last paragraph from it to give you a grasp of his stance.
“What’s happening is that guys have heard of this and assigned a label to it. They’ve built up rules and techniques for avoiding a trap they set for themselves. When I went through all my ridiculous drama in high school there was no name for it, but I did the same thing. Passive aggressive bullshit is not attractive and does not promote the vibe that you are someone who is worth leaning on in any of the ways that matter in a relationship. Nor does it give the vibe that you are an alpha type that a women might want to notch their “one-night stand” belt with. Quite simply, it devalues you. That may not be fair, but that’s the way it works. You’re only options are to walk away from her, or walk away from the notion that you are going to see her naughty bits…ever. When you’re straining and striving it’s felt and you’re opening yourself up to disappointment. Don’t you dare blame someone for using you if you’re foolish enough to put yourself in a position to be used.”
My response is: “I’m with you 200%” and here is why…
I am a straight shooter and don’t play games with people’s feelings. God knows I’ve had that done to me enough! The older I got and the more time I felt I wasted with the ‘Wrong Men’ the quicker it would be for me to walk away from this situation whether it was me who had more feelings than the other person or them having more feelings for me.
If someone who was my friend conveyed to me that they had feelings for me when I didn’t have them in return, it was time for me to pull back on spending time in that friendship. I’m not a selfish person and it wasn’t fair for me to string someone along just because I was lonely when they had the opportunity to move on with their life to find that perfect person where the love was mutual.
For anyone who read Dating the Wrong Men, you’ll also remember that there was a character where I had more feelings for him than he had for me. I also walked away from that situation because I knew I wanted the ‘real thing,’ which I eventually found.
I’ve been on both sides of the equation. My recommendation on the ‘Friend Zone’ is that both sides need to own up to the true feelings of what is going on and accept that this phrase is not really a ‘Friend Zone’ but a ‘One of Us Wants to be More Than Friends Zone.’ As the ‘Over-Attached-Friender’, move on to find someone who can give you what you are looking for avoiding the pain of the day you have to watch your ‘friend’ with someone else. And, as for the one not interested, don’t be selfish and let that person go if the feelings aren’t there. Helping someone get to the point where they are truly happy… THAT is true friendship.
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